The Art of Marriage

In Sun Tsu's Art of War he has a few topics he really pounds home as critical for the success of an army in a conflict. Now, I'm not going to say marriage is war, I would like to be able to sleep safely tonight, but there are certainly some interesting correlations.

The phone is ringing. I expect to see "Toll Free Call" on the caller ID which will mean I don't answer. Instead, it has the name and number of Chris and Colleen. My mind kicks into overdrive, while I don't answer the phone. It rings again. In split seconds I weigh my options. I'm not deciding if to answer. I'm deciding what t tell my wife. "Colleen called yesterday," I shout up to the kitchen, where Shelly is. Practitically before she says hello I can hear her telling the person on the other end, I just told her they had called. This is not an intention deception, but I'm not sure intent really matters.

"All warfar is based on deception." - Sun Tzu

I am stunned. We've been talking about what to have for dinner and my wife, in way of temping me to go pick something up, has just told me she has money. I am stunned not just because my wallet is empty, but because it seems it was just the day before when circumstances were completely revered. I had just gotten a little cash in my wallet. I had to get a few bucks for a card going around at work and I grabbed an extra twenty for me. I got home from work and my wife was headed to the dollar store. She is a fan of the new one they put in around the corner from us. With a bat of the eyelashes and assurces she only needed to get a couple things, she left with my twenty bucks. I don't know what was going on when she got home, but I didn't ask and she didn't offer the change. Now, with cinfused eyes, I'm looking at her. I'm listening to her bribe me with the change of my own money. There is no illusions about what is going on. What is most sad is that we both know this is going to work.

"Use the conquered foe to augment one's own strength." - Sun Tzu

Or this one

"Supreme excellence consist's of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting." - Sun Tsu

I've looked here three times. The table before me is not that big. Sure, it has the kids homework and plastic cups half filled with water on it. I've found rements of Shelby's chocolate cereal. I've found homework graded last week. I've found a pair of earbuds with one bud broken. What I haven't fond is my wife collection of keys on a pink ribbon that she assures me is there. I keep believing if I just look hard enough, I'll find them. Being a man, I already have a reputation for not being able to find things. I look until I can't stand it.

"Have you checked your purse? Your pockets?". I ask in a less than flattering tone.

"I thought they were on the table," she says. I'm getting the look that says, I'll go find them myself. Up the stairs she starts. She thrusts her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirts and then, sheepishly, she slowly extracts the keys. The keys that have been on her the whole time. The keys I just gained white hair looking for. "I found them," she says.

"When we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away. When we are far away, we must make the enemy believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy." - Sun Tzu

Again, let me make sure you understand. Marriage is not war. It is just amusing how closely Sun Tzu's document on war can offer good advice on marriage. To this end, I've taken my final one of his quotes and modified it slightly to offer spouses some good advice.

"The spouse will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight."

My wife is clearly a strategist.