Finding Faith

We hadn't been going to Main Street (Baptist Church) very long, but I already knew I looked their potlucks. I don't remember the occasion, or even if there was an occasion, but it was a Wednesday night potluck. While we waited in line, I talked to Jeff and Johnney and wondered what food would be on the Sunday School table. Fried Chicken, Lasagna and Banana pudding.

In the crush of people, my plate was filled and I looked for my family. There were only about 30 people in the room, so they were not hard to find. In the corner furthest from the door and the food. Being only eight, it was before the days I would eat in the youth room with the older kids. I sat beside my Mom, near the end of the table. The seat across from me was empty, so I hoped one of my friends would join us.

Just a couple bites into the meal the pastor, Reverend Headley Thweatt, sat in the seat across from me. I didn't realize it then, but as I look back, I suspect he sat there wanting to be friendly to the new family. Regardless of what he thought, I know now he was placed there. In the moment, I had no such wisdom, I just thought it was fun to talk to adults.

So, we talked, this pastor being gracious to an eight year old me. The conversation evolved from general interest to church to him asking about my Christianity. I told him of church being something that had always been a part of my life and that my parents were Christians. He politely complemented those thing and then ask, what about you?

This little question, sent my mind spinning. I had previously had an equation that went something like this, my parents are Christians, I go to church with them, so I am a Christian. I had never made it personal, it was more of a family thing. When we prayed, it was a good act, but I never really thought about God. When we talked about Jesus he was a good role model. When we talked of his death, it was a kind of gift I inherited from my family. This pastor, though, was challenging that and worse, I knew he was right.

We talked a little bit more, but I was putting the pieces together. If I didn't inherit Salvation, if it was personal, then I didn't have it. If it was something I needed to personally profess, I had never done that. My belief, if that is what you call it, was so shallow it rested completely on others. This meant, I was a sinner, which meant I deserved death and hell and I had never accepted Jesus for myself.

I didn't ask how to accept Jesus that night, I wanted to think about it. The next few days were very hard. At that time, I thought I could only be saved by praying the prayer of salvation with the pastor. This isn't true, but it meant I felt at risk for the next several days. I faced my sins, fighting with my brother, sneaking candy, hiding broken things and the other crimes of an eight year old boy. I knew these had not been paid for, that I was broken and I didn't even know the prayer. I should point out that there is no specific prayer and my parents easily could have prayed with me, but at eight I didn't know these things.

On Sunday morning, I was obsessed with one moment, the invitation. This was the time when the pastor asked people who wanted to pray with him to come forward. In my mind, I think the song that was played during this time was "Just As I Am". Barely a handful of words had been sung, and I was on my way. The room, the people, the music all faded.

I prayed a prayer confessing my sin, acknowledging that this was deserving of death, professing my belief that Jesus died for those sins and accepting this free gift, making him my Lord and Savior. This might be confusing to some, but this changed everything. I was light. It felt as though weights had been dropped off of me and the relationship I had with God as personal.

For the first time I prayed, not because I should, but because I wanted to.

If anyone is confused about the theology behind this article, let me post a few verses from the book of Romans, which explain the basis:

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 10:9-10 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.