No excuses

I am setting at my computer playing the auction house in World of Warcraft. I have already put on my pants and shirt, but no tie or shoes yet. Under the screen where my little gnome is gathering gold, and I imagine laughing maniacally, I have my blue plastic bowl of Magic Stars, read sugar, and black coffee. The kids are upstairs arguing and Shelly is in the shower. This could be nearly any day of my week.

I hear the familiar buzz on the ledge behind me. I know it is my phone, I even know who it is going to be. Jeremy is my first accountability check in of the day. He is doing, what I think of as a Herculean task, of going to the gym first thing every day. I grab my old, black phone, the text says simple, "I'm done.". I am really happy for him, and if I can be a little selfish, for me too. Accountability is about the relationship you have with each other and God, so we succeed together. I text back, "You rock! Keep up the good work."

It doesn't always work this way. This nearly exact scene played out last week, but the phone didn't buzz. So, when I realized the time, gave him until I finished my cereal and sent my text. "Gym?". For anyone who does accountability, you probably know when people don't check in. It is almost always they are dodging you. They haven't gotten to the excuse that they think will fly, so they are hoping you won't call.

It may not seem like it, but it is on these days you determine the success of your accountability. If you don't contact, you have let them fail silently. You have communicated you don't care. If you contact, but accept their excuses, you communicate that what they want to do, their goal, is not that important. This mean, if you are really going to do your job right, is you need to not accept weak excuses.

I don't get Jeremy's excuse until I am at work. I check my calendar and figure out how to adjust my day so that I can handle this with a break and I then text him getting permission to call him. This is important. If you can talk to someone when they are struggling, it is way more powerful than letting them deal with the coldness of text. He gives me permission and I walk down to the couch in the dining room and call him back.

I open by asking him how he is feeling, celebrate the success he has had over the last few days and remind him of the goal he asked me to hold him accountable to. This structure is intentional, it is to let him know this is his choice and he has proven he can do good, that he has already done good. He has, honestly, he's done fantastic. I then ask him about his day and why it won't work today. I do not argue with him directly. If I am forcing him, than it has too much dependence on me. I ask questions. Lot's of questions and have him plan for himself how he can be successful.

While I set on the couch made of fake green leather, looking around at the handful of individuals eating eggs or oatmeal, I think about if I am pushing too hard. I listen to the halting voice in the other end of the phone. He is thinking, which is good. Taking time to think, to plan is how you defeat that excuse maker at your core. Then it happens, as it usually does, he says I was making an excuse, I can go to the gym before I go to my Moms. I tell him that is great, that he will feel better once he gets that done and to text me when he get's it done, so I can celebrate with him.

You might think to yourself, as I once worried about, they must hate that. Nothing could be further from the truth. When you are held accountable, it gives those things you work meaning, it means you can share your success and it builds real meaningful relationship with those who share your success. It is the kind of relationships I believe God desires for us to have with each other.

Proverbs 27:17