Manswers

Hundreds of times a day I am asked questions. Face to face, text and e-mail. From my wife, friends, employees and peers. With each of these interactions it strikes me that their are many, many ways each question can be answered. Direct, direct but tactful, sarcastic, emotional (which might be confused with nonsensical), mean. My favorite, although often kept in my head, is responding with a manswer.

See, a manswer is a special, clever response. The value of a manswer is weighed in laughs (usually your own) and gross out factor. Is does not consider feelings or add unneeded descriptions. They often will offer what might be deemed a masculine solution. As a husband, they might get you smacked, or worse, although they are not usually as dangerous as menquiries.

"What are you thinking about?" is the king of question that deserves a manswer. Sure, you could go the direct route and say, "Nothing," but why loose this opportunity? You are not really thinking about nothing, but to tell your wife you are thinking about socks is boring. It is time to manswer it up. "I was thinking about making duct tape socks to see if my foot sweat would loosen them enough to be replaced once a month or so."

"Are you going to get those TPS reports in today?

"I'm working on it, but I got my ear picking pencil mixed up with my typing pencil and I can't tell by the taste which is which."

"Dad, you're suppose to say excuse me."

"Sorry, but I don't remember eating that."

As a warning, for those of you working up your own manswers, you should be warned. Whats gets you laughing at home, is somewhat less funny when your nine year old daughter busts it out on the Pastor. Don't let this stop you, your pastor probably likes a good manswer, too. So, on that note, let me offer this challenge, the next question you are asked, give it the best manswer you can. If you are not sure of a good manswer, post the question here, I'm sure the veteran manswer-givers would be glad to help you out.