Simple Rules

I don't normally use my blog to do this, but today I want to advocate for a conscious change in the way you operate. The way we all operate. I think this change will make everyone, in general, happier and only requires the application of a couple simple rules. These rules are not new, but between my own children this morning and Facebook in general, I feel inspired. So, without waiting any longer, here they are:

No Jerks! No Drama!

When children break these rules, we are annoyed. Additionally, we feel justified by our annoyance. This morning I am downstairs and I hear two of my kids harping on Nick, their cousin who is with us in the morning, As I listen, they are chiding him about his toothbrush and they are making him upset. So, climb the stairs to get closer to the action and I see Nick is at the table, eating breakfast, not even in the bathroom. This means, they have made a special effort to tease him just because. They are, to use the language of my rules, being jerks. I ask the first one I see, because she has left the bathroom what the problem is and she gives me a long explanation about the bristles on Nick's toothbrush, which causes me to ask a few questions, such as do you use Nick's toothbrush, and finally I let her know that I wasn't going to have her teasing him about that anymore. I then handled the second offender in a similar fashion.

At this time, most of you that have kids old enough to speak, know exactly the exasperation I was feeling. You have had that thought of, why would they start that fight? I know. I also know, it won't be my last time. For whatever reason kids love to take a weakness or difference and use it to torture each other for no good reason. Verbally punching each other just to see what will happen. The problem is, adults do this to. We might hide it, or be more subtle, but everyday you see someone who, for no good reason, decides to be a jerk to someone else. They yell at the waitress or highlight your failings or tell their spouse they always or never do something.

The problem with those jerks out there, is they start to make me a jerk, start to make me feel justified in being a jerk. I can't let that happen, and you shouldn't either. So, take the rule number one pledge with me, No Jerks, this means you won't let yourself become a jerk and you won't let those around you draw you into jerky behavior. If it makes you feel better, the next time you see something jerk, just slap a "No Jerks" comment on it.

Now, as you probably know, jerks are only one half of the equation. See, once the no jerks rule comes out, a whole half of the population sees jerkiness where none exists. They victimize themselves, because they can get attention that way. I guess that's why it is called drama.

Children love this tool to get others in trouble. I can remember an incident in my backyard over the summer, when a bunch of kids were playing on the plastic playscape. It appears to be the base for a very complex, rules shifting game of tag. Kids slide into the small spaces, cramped by other kids. They tug on each others arms and play fight. Suddenly, a stray leg hits a kid who is squatting by the slide and here come the tears. The crying one tells us how the other kid kicked her and she gets mad a balls up her fist. We explain, what happened but she wants revenge. She feels wronged, even though it was just an accident. No drama. We see what happened and as adults we even know why in that moment she can't understand, but no drama.

Again, this is a lesson we don't quite learn in our childhood. It drives me crazy when I look on Facebook and read some comment about feeling left out or some other expression of hurt feeling at someone else's good time. Do you really think they did that on purpose? Or, are you just the kids tying his shoe in the wrong place. Look, when your friends are having a good time, celebrate for them, enjoy that they got to have a good time. No Drama. Don't tell them how mad you are that you got left out, don't try to justify your feeling, just send them a private note that tells them it looked like fun and, if it worked out, you would love to be invited in the future. You are not important enough to invite us all to you pity party. No one is.

I would add, that this is not the only kind of Internet drama you will see out there. People post things just to get others stirred up, they will challenge you just to challenge you and they will take personal comments which were not meant for them. Somehow, they still want to lash out when their pride is endangered. You don't want to be like this, do you? So, if we are in agreement, let's take the second pledge, No Drama. You can't change those around you, but you can change you.

This is not a recipe to make everything perfect, but it is a stepping stone to make them better. Make you happier and help you to more quickly recognize those that you shouldn't waste your time on. So, with a final charge, I say, "No Jerk! No Drama!".

Pass it on.