Pet Peeves

I drive my wife crazy. She has moments when she just wants to complain about something and I, being how I am, usually explain why it is that way or at best remain neutral. She really just wants me to get a little bent out of shape for her and I don't. Truth be told, I like to act above all of that stuff, someone who can let the problems of life roll of them. I my mind, I think it is better, but in practice is comes across as a little unemotional robot-like.

Don't be be wrong I hate complaining and I especially hate irrational complaining. Ok, that's not exactly right , I hate everyone else's irrational complaints, mine, I'm Ok with. I apologize to those I am about to offend.

Ok, let me start by saying, I hate that some of you just scooted forward, excited with the prospect of me throwing some friend of family member under the bus. What is wrong with you? You are the same people to like to tell people you don't want any drama, but here you are. Seriously, you are defective. I'm talking to you, don't try to lean back and pretend you weren't that interested. When I lean forward anticipating some juicy tidbit, it is because I'm doing research or caring or some other incredibly noble reason. Don't even pretend that's you.

Second, there can't possibly be that many defective keyboards on the planet. It is not cool or easier to read if you use all caps or all lower case letters. You are not e e cummings, nor do you live an era when you couldn't spring to the lower case letters on your typewriter. The shift keys on your keyboard are not on there for decoration, they are there so you can capitalize your proper nouns and have you sentences flow from that Upper case letter denoting the beginning of the sentence to the punctuation, yes punctuation, at the end. The only possible good reason I can imagine for you to do this is it lets a bad speller and abuser of grammar, such as myself, read what you've disjointedly screamed at me and then think at myself, perhaps my spelling is not so bad. It is like watching Hoarders so I can feel good about the junk in my garage. Quit it. You're breaking the Internet.

Next, this just applies to a couple of you, but set up/empty your dang voicemail. No, I'm probably not going to leave you a message and yes, I've intentionally left the generic message on my answering machine at home to deter people from leaving me messages, but after you have left me some rambling soliloquy, which I only hear after we have talked, and I then wait through five rings of denial, I would like to at lease have the option. Who do you think you are?

Last, because I really need to get back to work, quit making excuses. You didn't come to church because you didn't want to, you wanted to sleep in and you kid having the sniffles was a convent excuse. You didn't get your work done because you've been playing Angry Birds in your office all day because you just discovered it, not because of "competing priorities". Your house is a mess because you would rather watch TV, play games and take naps than, I don't know, clean it. It has nearly nothing to do with your spouse or kids, your a grown up, act like one. Do you really think that people buy any of those things? I mean, when I tell you I can't because I'm busy or I've got a phone call coming in or I'm not feeling well, you should believe me, but when you say it, I know what it really means.