Change is Hard

"We have it in our power to begin the world over again." - Thomas Paine, Common Sense.

I sit in the small break area I need to move to when I take private calls. There is one other man, in a blue shirt, at another table. He is on a call as well. I set up my iPad, while I'm talking to Steve. From here I can look over the interior courtyard, which is relaxing when the phone call gets tense.

I guess we've be accountability partners for about a year now, and in that time we have both grown so much. This is one of the friendships that challenge and refine. Because of him, I am a better person and I hope he would say the same.

The call starts a little early and he calls me, which is normally a good sign. The call starts well enough, I help him set productivity standards and discuss a hang up from yesterday. It is no big deal, he is doing well. We then talk about a joint project we have going. It is not going well from his end, but I don't know. So, I shift the call to be one about effective communication, not in content, but in timeliness.

While I can't see him, the call changes. In my mind, I can see the pain on his face, the body squirms. He is owning the failure, but not moving forward. The dark thoughts of not being good Anouilh, not having time, not having his life in control consume him. This is hard for me. I know that what he feels is not helpful, but I have no right to disqualify his feelings. If I left him remain there, he fails quietly, if I push him, I have to do it in a way that gives him hope.

The man in the blue shirt leaves the little space, and I look over to the vending machines. I let my mind wander, looking for right thing. I pray for wisdom.

My mind shifts to Thomas Paine, a man who liked to shake things up. I think about Common Sense and this one line, on the power to start the world over again. He had this thought because everyone could see the problem with the old system and the number people unhappy we're enough to shift the way we opperated. This was an early statement of rebellion in what would be The United States of America. His main point was this, if you are unhappy, failing, beat up in the world you live in, change it. If you have the power, you should make the change.

I am back to Steve. In all honesty, he doesn't have the time to do all the things he is trying to do. He's added to all the things he wants to accomplish at the same time he is dealing with all the responsabilities that go with being a soon to be first time father with a wife who is stuck in bed. For anyone, this would be overwhelming.

I tell him the little above quote from Paine, although I'm pretty sure I messed it up. I tell him there are a lot of things he doesn't have to do. I point out that he is accoutable to God, but his life is his. I don't know if I pierce the veil of momentary depression, but I hope I do. I tell him that I can't make him feel any better, but the getting control and having success will make him feel better. This mean he'll have to act when he is not feeling it. He'll need to build his world over again.

I pauses for a moment then give him a little homework. He follows my lead and makes agreements. It's hard to tell if he believes this is the right way, or if he is just feeling too beat up to resist.

I want to know this is going ok, so I ask him if he trusts me. He gives me the only answer he can.