You can't sit here

The East Middle School band played the notes to Uptown Girl. It might be strange to say, but this was my first exposure to this Billy Joel song. This song was all rough notes and squeaky clarinets long before I knew how it should actually sound. Despite this, Mr. Reeves was smiling and waving his white baton. The song ended with him giving a fist pump, always supportive, and then a bell.

It was lunch time. I packed my Tenor Saxophone and placed it in the room, where I would pick it up at the end of the day. I grabbed my lunch, not suspecting anything, and made my way to the cafeteria.

I walked through the door a little later than most of the students and scanned the room. Mr. Ditzhazy was already harassing students and beyond him, though the windows, I could already see some kids outside playing. I looked at the table I normally sat at and my friends averted their eyes as soon as I saw them. Strange, I thought, but made my way over to them.

They filled every space. Not only no room to sit comfortably, but the gaps where room could be made closed as I got close to them. I told them in an insulting way to make room. No one answered, they wouldn't even talk to me. They worked to make sure I knew I was being ignored.

I had no idea what I had done, who I had wronged, but this felt like the end of my life as I knew it. Dan, who I considered my best friend at the time, wouldn't even look at me. We went from buddies to nothing, worse than a stranger. I sat alone an replayed the tape. I could not see any wrong doing.

The table, my table all got up, except for Dan and made their way outside. Normally this would be when I would play with them, tag or kipping or just talk. I wasn't welcome. I knew I wasn't welcome. In spite of that, I ran to Dan, before he made his way out.

I speculated it was a game and made a remark about how stupid it was. How stupid they must be for doing it. I never missed a chance to turn a comment into an insult. It turned out that was the problem. Once Dan assured everyone else was far away, he told me the group was tired of my mouth being in their midsts. They hate the way I talked to them, railing on all of them, making them feel like they couldn't speak. There was no one thing I had done, they didn't like me. My best friend had sided with them and he didn't like me either. He walked away letting me know I needed to find new friends.

I walked outside and hung around them, but didn't attempt to participate. I was on the bottom of the totem pole and didn't even know how to recover. I went to my next class early.