Gamer Shame

I was too young to know much about persecution, to know which things it is best to keep to yourself. So, with my church youth group I was not only open but, when challenged, defiantly open about playing Dungeons and Dragons. This was a big part of my life, weekdays of planning, weekends of playing. I was never far from imagining the epic stories of wizards and knights in a magical place. I liked reading, of course, but at the gaming table I got to either tell the story or play the hero.

In high school, late eighties and early nineties, this became the core of my social circle and the Christian press began to produce materials about the evils of D&D. It was 1984 when Jack Chic produced the Dark Dungeons tract talking about how roleplaying is the first step into the occult. From there a series of books seemed to be produced about how it is evil and makes you crazy. Finally, the press started to latch onto kids who did something wrong and immediately tied it to these games, of they have any. Much like they do with video games today. Anyway, this was the stream of information the adults at church were being given while I, the actual player, never got invited into the occult, more did I plan dressing up and attacking my neighbors.

Had I kept quiet, this would have been the end of it, but I wasn't going to do that. I couldn't do that. So, I brought it up and challenged anything they would say against it. Ultimately, this led to a planned show down, a debate. They would give their point of view and evidence and I would do the same.

We pulled tables together so everyone could see. Chris, the leader sat on one end with his books out with highlighted passages. I sat on the other end with a few sloppy, handwritten notes. Between us, around the table sat the youth, a big chuck of which, at this point, was made up of my friends. Friends who came to church with me immediately after we played Dungeons and Dragons and slept over at someone's house. The other portion was mostly girls who couldn't care less. The room was lit by cold fluorescents and smelled a little of the pizza we had eaten earlier. Chris talked about witchcraft and sorcery, about the dangers of allowing anything in which had these theme. I waved my hand around the table and pointed to the people who were even there to here him because of Dungeons and Dragons, of how it could be a witnessing tool. I declared his statements not supported and not connected to what we actually did, he found mine weak because God can work through even evil to bring about good.

It went well, was fun, but at the end there was no winner. We agreed to disagree. But this was really my beginning of an awareness of a new kind of gamer shame. I knew the rule about muggles in school, but it was really more about getting into in depth gaming conversations around those who weren't interested, not that they would think you were evil, just weird. This was, the look over the Sunday School teacher's glasses telling you she couldn't believe you, a deacon's son, would be mixed up such a thing.

Over time it seems the place you don't talk about these things grows. From school to church to finally work. I begin worrying about the impact of what others think, as opposed to if it actually matters.

This weekend I have friends coming in from out of town to play games. All manner of games. We'll play some giant board games, have a magic tournament, stage a Warhammer war and yes, play Dungeons and Dragons. At church, where now I'm the deacon, I have barely mentioned that I would be missing, not wanting at defend a hobby they might not understand or might be associating with Witchcraft. At work today someone asked me what I was doing on the days I was taking off. I told them I have friends coming in from out of town.