Walking Alone

Today as I prepared for my walk one of my coworkers asked me if I would pick up some food from Chipotle. We tried this yesterday, he didn't get the order in, I had to adjust my path and ultimately I came back to work with his money, not his lunch. So, informed him that if he walked with me, he could pick up his own lunch. At that point he went to Reuben, who I normally walk with, and it turned out it would be too cold for him to walk today. So, Perry would have to get his own lunch, and I would walk alone.

On previous days when I have walked alone, I would bring my iPad, listen to podcasts, have a voice in my ear the whole time. I liked this time, getting the exercise while I listened to a story on This American Life or Sawbones, but all the noises have started to bleed into another. I work and listen to podcasts or have Netflix on in the background. At home, I'm painting or playing games and TV is on in the background. Even when I drive I'm gathering more sound bits. I fall asleep to our bedroom TV, set to a timer. I wake up to the sound of the radio.

At the same time I am doing all this listening, listening to multiple things at once, my prayer life has suffered. I have a prayer list, which I pray through on a regular basis. I pray before meals. I pray at church. So often, though, this is squeezed between other thinks I'm doing a listening to. I'm getting said what I need to say, but I'm not doing any listening. All demand, all request, all confession, all from me up, but not making any time, any void in the wall of sound for God to speak through.

I locked my iPad in my office. I took my phone, but no headphones, and I headed out on a much needed prayer walk. I didn't take a list, and I tried not to even think about my list. My goal was to listen. With nothing in my ears, listen. I thought of my Father-in-Law, who was talking to a doctor. My friend Larry, who is serving in Afghanistan, and his family. I thought of a couple in church, who I haven't seen in a couple weeks. I though of a lady, who I am a deacon for, who lost her husband and daughter in the last year and how I could make her feel needed. I thought of the things God was asking me to do and I tried to fight all those rationalizations which I use to stay just the way I am. It's good enough to please those around me, isn't it.

He wants more from me. At work. At home. In church. In prayer.

Focus, Jason, focus.