Rotten Fruit

If your circle of friends and family is large enough, you will find there is always someone who is fighting with someone else. I don't mean disagree, you can disagree without fighting, I mean resorting to the nastiness of not talking to, but talking about, the inflation of pride and the utter disrespect for the other. This can happen is small ways, with quiet distain, or big, ever the top, yelling matches. I've been in them and some of you are in them right now. Let's talk about this.

The prideful, sinful, self does not want to be told he (or she), is wrong. So, if you are fighting with someone right now, before you go any further, please set yourself aside. Pray for a moment. Take a breath. I don't want the half a dozen of you involved in your various fights, to turn the venom towards me. I love you, or I wouldn't bother.

You fight, you complain, you offer derision, because you are not gracious. You replace graciousness with selfishness. It is our sinful nature to do this, we can do it without thinking about it, but this kind of pride destroys us. Graciousness is key component of relationship building. If you are not gracious, no relationship will last.

So, what is graciousness? Thomas Jefferson wrote, "Take things always by their smooth handle." By this he means for us to imagine a situation as hot pot, which you have to take hold of. Now, you can grab it by the hot sides and bottom, but you will come away blistered and worse for the wear, or you can take it by the handle. Nothing changes except for your approach. Graciousness is just that, not letting some misspoken word, some poor timing, some accusation, result in you getting burned, instead you offer the benefit of the doubt, you forgive the mistake or indiscretion, you grab the handle and skillfully, lovingly, deal with your friends and family.

As Christians we have additional call to be graciousness. Think for a moment about the fruit of the spirit, the product that Christians are called to produce. Galatians 5:22-23 says they are "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control," nearly all of them having a direct link to graciousness. You can't shout on the phone to somebody and exhibit either gentleness or self-control. You can't gossip in love or kindness. You can't demand an apology in patience or joy. I would suggest that if you can't be gracious some of your fruit has turned rotten. You are failing to set a basic Christian example.

It is not too late. You may have dug the hole you are in and are not sure how to get out, but I promise you it is not as hard as you think. The first thing you need to do is extinguish your pride. Odds are you made a mistake or two, own them. You are not perfect, no one thinks you are. Second, extend the first apology. It may be that more than one apology is owed, but you should be the first, tell your friend you were acting wrong and you would like to start over, or repair the damage or just say you are sorry. Give them the love Jesus gives you. Give them the forgiveness and patience. Third, don't expect them to behave the same way you are. They may still be interested in drama and fighting, even so, be gracious.