First Ministry

This weekend I had the honor to talk with, and hopefully help, a young couple who have taken on a challenging ministry in our church. I didn't, but I just wanted to hug them. Ministry is hard and uncertain, it wears on your heart and makes certain things like a raw nerve. Moreover, your first ministry, first major ministry where you are over a group, is the worst. You have big groups of problems, which you have never had to consider or solve, and you have problems you don't even know you have, sometimes it seems you can do nothing right.

I remember in one of my early ministries, serving youth, we were working to lock down our weekly meetings and at the same time we were having attendance issues. I went to the church early, which was quiet because nothing else was going on, and made sure I was ready for the kids. The time ticked on and no one came, I should say no one was their on time. So, I shifted to making a sign which said, youth cancelled because of lack of attendance. At ten minutes after the starting time, I posted the sign and drove home. I didn't know how to handle the situation, the missing kids, the lateness, my own desire to do something else.

I think about my frustration in that moment. I was mad at the church which didn't support me, the parents who couldn't get their kids there on time, or couldn't be bothered to bring them at all, I was mad at the kids who never seemed to be able to remember anything. I didn't want to give them anymore of my time than I had to. I needed someone to come along side me, not the church leadership which eyed my youth with suspicion, some who had been where I was and could advise me.

I can imagine this person setting me down and stilling me had from writing the note. They would look at me and ground me. Ask me who I was serving? If I'm serving God and if I'm serving youth, than why does that change because of a little bump. The councilor would tell me to pray, then to start calling the kids, talk to them, remind them, see if they were on their way. Use the time to fix the problem, rather than avoid it. The councilor would also tell me to work more closely with the church leadership, my perceived distrust was made worse by our separation. No councillor was there.

While I talked to this couple I thought of conflicts I had with parents and pastors who treated me according to my age, when I was young, and how indignant I was. The mother who thought she could tell me that her 13 year old daughter had the right to smoke, so long as she stepped off the church property. The father who stormed out after I pointed out he was choosing football over his child. The pastor and parent who called me at night to ask me why I didn't teach any lesson, which unfolded into a long conversation spurred on because his daughter hadn't been listening and couldn't tell her Dad what we talked about. I wasn't doing anything wrong, I thought to myself, why can't they trust me? Will I ever get that respect? Shouldn't these people be supporting me? Why am I under attack?

The councilor might not have changed the outcomes of these situations, but would have talked me through what was going on. Helped me understand and deal with these people who were not trying to hurt me, it was never about their support. He would have reminded me to think about the home the smoking girl must be in and the importance of giving her structure. He would have reminded me that this father could participate in other ways, and it did me no good to question the love he had for his child. He would have encouraged me that any pastor or parent should be applauded for asking his child what they learned and becoming concerned if it looks like no lesson was giving. It was no big deal to share the lesson with him and thank him for the love he has for his child. There is no need to let paranoia and worry reign, when there are better ways to handle these situations. Again, no councilor was there. I was older and more prayerful, so they turned out better, but these situations vexed me.

I don't know if I said anything to this couple which was specifically useful. They have many of the same kind of problems I have had, they have many of the worries and concerns I have had, they feel unsupported. I hope I made it clear the church and church leadership is supportive of them. I hope I made it clear, that I was supportive of them. I don't know, though, if I did that very well. More important, I hope they understand that if they will let me, I will be that councilor for them. I will help them through the struggles which will certainly come.