Giving Up

Before I continue, let me state I am not writing this from a moment of despair or even unhappiness. Life has been very good to me. I just got back from an awesome men's retreat where I learned that Pastor Andrew's pirate voice is somewhat like that of a muppet and I had a chance to see the hearts of men who have a desire to grow closer to God and a desire to see our church grow. I have a job which has been busy, but successful; my team is solving problems and getting recognized. My church feels like it is on the cusp of something big and exciting. My kids have me hopping with soccer, Fife and Drum Corps, choir and soon archery, but they are active and happy and healthy. So, when I write about "Giving Up" don't put me on suicide watch or anything, it is really an introspection on the process.

I have written before about the value of quitting, but to be honest, I'm not very good at it. I'm good at telling other people to quit, to move on, to stop doing what isn't fruitful, but I will hold on until the bitter end. Holding on somehow feels noble, like loyalty to my investment. This is true even past the point of reason.

How many of you remember Heroes? Such a solid first season, then it quickly went from bad to worse. Recycled plots, powerful characters losing their memories and powers (so as to not fix everything), evil characters turn good, then evil. It was like they switched to writers who failed on the soap opera circuit to come up with their material. One by one, my friends dropped off. It had gotten so bad, the fact that is had superheroes was not enough to keep them, I couldn't, though, I held on hope. They could go back to season one, they could make this magical again. It was like sitting over someone critically ill and telling yourself, they'll get better, even when you now they won't. It got to the point where we had a back up of shows on the DVR, hoping to here they were good, they had made all the garbage make since. Instead, I was left to read with dismay the cancellation. So, reluctantly, I deleted the last few shows. I should have given up, but I couldn't.

Most times, it is something more important than a TV show. As many of you know I have accountability relationships with many people. These range from simple check in to what would be more accurate to call coaching. At one point I have someone approach me, because he knew of some of the successes another partner had, to do accountability with him. He seemed to think it was some kind of magic solution, which it is not, but I agreed. I spent a fairly long first session, walking him through the steps, letting him tell me what he wanted to work on, letting him set, with some guidance his own goals, and we were off. Week one goes by and he gives lip service to what he has done, but it feels off. I encourage him, tell him good job on that, now it is just doing the second part. Week two goes by and it is the same thing. to me, it begins to look like an excuse just to spend longer and longer times with me, which is a little weird, and less about actually doing any improvement, I push that thought aside though, this is a big investment, I don't want to loose it now. I could make a difference here. It take me two months of nearly no progress and empty talk before I finally give up. Two months on something which was apparent after two weeks.

It might sound odd, but after each of these episodes, I was actually a little sad. I had that feeling of loss, that questioning what I could have done differently, how I could have held it together. Of course, these things unfolded the way they had to unfold, but the feeling of regret remains. This is not the way one should feel about these things, but it is what it is.

Our lives have limited resources in them. Limited time, limited money, limited energy you can put toward something. That regret, that determination to hold on are ignorant of that fact. They know what has been, what you have given and even what you hope for, but those feeling are ignorant of what you are giving up. That hour a week AI remained devoted to a quickly worsening TV show, was an hour I could have spent in a hundred better ways. The emotional energy and time I spent trying to give accountability to someone who really wasn't interested would have been much better spent with someone who was, or with my family. Giving up is not about the object you are giving up on, rather it is about the opportunities that object stands in the way of.

Jesus in his sermon on the mount put it this, somewhat harsh, way, "Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. (Matthew 7:6)".